iHATEyou iLOVEyou

seriously i don't understand.
trying to control my feelings a lot.trying my best to study in school. helped you at night or in the afternoon.
BUT! partly this is my fault for being tired. yesterday woke up at 8AM rush to school like some shit person.went home straight after school. helped mommy dyed her hair and went to take a nap. yes, i promised you that i will take photo for you at 5.30. but can you imagine, how tired am i. hello you are having your holidays why can't you just follow my schedule for this few weeks and I'm free. why can't you just let me study in peace?. why? i seriously feel like giving up in whatever i have. i want to study hard. i want to let people know that i can do better then my cousins. i want! but who gave me the chance to let me study in peace? other then you go out with your friends? i want i really want. you can be tired. then i cannot be tired? i slept at 12 plus wake up at 6.30 get my ass to school. sit, do paper. don't you think this life sux so much? you went through those pain/hard work..I'm going through in now. the hard work is really hard work. i trying to help you. whenever you need help, i try to help you? but who helped me?! who care about me? Saturdays because i don't want to waste time, get up at 9 to study.I'm serious tired of everything. people think that having all this is so good but actually the pain, the hard work is a lot just that I'm holding my feelings trying to put a fake smile on my face, seeing me so happy but in my heart I'm totally not happy with this at all.

yesterday i think about it. with this situation .currently, all this things makes me happy. but is this the life i want? even if i have the chance to go to sec 5. i don't think i will go up. i rather go to a place which i really can realx and also coping with studies and also you. i don't think i can repeat this again. i don't want to waste one year of my life coping with my studies and you.either i give up one.

shopping blog
go up to sec 5.

if i give up shopping blog, nagging scolding coping with studies. even if i give up, the job i still have to take.

if i give up going to sec 5. maybe i have higher chance to go to poly. well get the best course of ite. do well 2years later you see me poly. well is safer.
i don't know my parents will allow. anyway i made my choice.

i don't wish to waste one year just like him. coping with studies and also you. hearing you complaining and stuff. you are tired. i am tired too.
get this. with the car accident, with the amount of work i having, i have enough of everything. let me rest. please make me fall sick. please. i seriously need a break from everything i have.

make me sick.

posted by vivianpengyiting @ 2:33 PM